


Friday the 13th

by HockeyMatchmaking



Category: Hockey RPF
Genre: M/M, Team Dinners, Texting, autocorrect, what?
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-03-04
Updated: 2013-03-04
Packaged: 2017-12-04 08:24:43
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,190
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/708623
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/HockeyMatchmaking/pseuds/HockeyMatchmaking
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The following describes what happens on Friday the 13th when the Canucks have a team dinner. Told through a series of texts.</p><p>From: H. Sedin<br/>To: R. Kesler, K. Bieksa<br/>6:41 PM, Friday, December 13th, 2010<br/>Guys. Stop texting at the team dinner. It's rude.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Friday the 13th

**Author's Note:**

> Yeah, sorry for the weirdness. This is all super fictional. Any mistakes within might be intentional, I had to force myself to write in 'text speak'.  
> Oh, and my French is super rusty so sorry if tu ne comprend pas.

From: R. Kesler  
To: K. Bieksa  
10:28 AM, Friday, December 13th, 2010  
wats up?  
  
From: K. Bieksa  
To: R. Kesler  
10:29 AM, Friday, December 13th, 2010  
fuck u  
  
From: R. Kesler  
To: K. Bieksa  
10:29 AM, Friday, December 13th, 2010  
:O  
  
From: K. Bieksa  
To: R. Kesler  
10:30 AM, Friday, December 13th, 2010  
no seriously, get over here so i can fuck u.  
  
From: R. Kesler  
To: K. Bieksa  
10:30 AM, Friday, December 13th, 2010  
:D k  
  
~~<><><>~~  
  
From: R. Kesler  
To: R. Luongo  
6:34 PM, Friday, December 13th, 2010  
stop staring @ me perv :3  
  
From: R. Luongo  
To: R. Kesler  
6:36 PM, Friday, December 13th, 2010  
What?  
  
From: R. Kesler  
To: R. Luongo  
6:36 PM, Friday, December 13th, 2010  
Oopsies. sorry Lu. forgivesies?  
  
From: R. Luongo  
To: R. Kesler  
6:37 PM, Friday, December 13th, 2010  
Um… yeah.  
  
From: R. Kesler  
To: K. Bieksa  
6:39 PM, Friday, December 13th, 2010  
so i may have txt'd Lu instead of u :P  
  
From: K. Bieksa  
To: R. Kesler  
6:39 PM, Friday, December 13th, 2010  
oh. is that y he's been shooting u dirty looks 4 the past min?  
  
From: R. Kesler  
To: K. Bieksa  
6:40 PM, Friday, December 13th, 2010  
yuuup. wanna make out on the table?  
  
From: K. Bieksa  
To: R. Kesler  
6:40 PM, Friday, December 13th, 2010  
uh in front of the whole team?  
  
From: R. Kesler  
To: K. Bieksa  
6:40 PM, Friday, December 13th, 2010  
not the whole team fuck u very much. Schneids is off with Timmy-dearest.  
  
From: H. Sedin  
To: R. Kesler, K. Bieksa  
6:41 PM, Friday, December 13th, 2010  
Guys. Stop texting at the team dinner. It's rude.  
  
From: R. Kesler  
To: H. Sedin, K. Bieksa  
6:41 PM, Friday, December 13th, 2010  
but u txt'd us to tell us that! :O  
  
From: H. Sedin  
To: R. Kesler, K. Bieksa  
6:41 PM, Friday, December 13th, 2010  
Grow up, Kes.  
  
From: K. Bieksa  
To: R. Kesler, H. Sedin  
6:41 PM, Friday, December 13th, 2010  
Ooh. burn. :D  
  
From: H. Sedin  
To: R. Kesler, K. Bieksa  
6:42 PM, Friday, December 13th, 2010  
You too, Juice.  
  
From: R. Kesler  
To: K. Bieksa  
6:42 PM, Friday, December 13th, 2010  
i feel sad now :(  
  
From: K. Bieksa  
To: R. Kesler  
6:42 PM, Friday, December 13th, 2010  
would bathroom sex help?  
  
From: R. Kesler  
To: K. Bieksa  
6:42 PM, Friday, December 13th, 2010  
sfhzbj :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D  
  
From: D. Sedin  
To: R. Kesler, K. Bieksa  
7:03 PM, Friday, December 13th, 2010  
Guys. Don't make me tell Henke about what ur doing in the bathroom. If u rn't back in 2 mins I'm sending the rookie in after u.  
  
From: K. Bieksa  
To: R. Kesler, D. Sedin  
7:03 PM, Friday, December 13th, 2010  
W-whaslt do u tink we r fodin?  
  
From: K. Bieksa  
To: R. Kesler  
7:03 PM, Friday, December 13th, 2010  
Stop pressing buttons asshole.  
  
From: R. Kesler  
To: K. Bieksa  
7:03 PM, Friday, December 13th, 2010  
D:  
  
From: D. Sedin  
To: R. Kesler, K. Bieksa  
7:05 PM, Friday, December 13th, 2010  
Alright. u'v done it now.  
  
From: R. Kesler  
To: K. Bieksa, D. Sedin  
7:05 PM, Friday, December 13th, 2010  
No wait! he lured me with sex! :3  
  
From: D. Sedin  
To: R. Kesler, K. Bieksa  
7:05 PM, Friday, December 13th, 2010  
uh…ya, not a valid excuse.  
  
From: D. Sedin  
To: Z. Kassian  
7:06 PM, Friday, December 13th, 2010  
Go 2 the bathroom and retrieve Kes + Bie. Now.  
  
From: Z. Kassian  
To: D. Sedin  
7:06 PM, Friday, December 13th, 2010  
Ok.  
  
From: Z. Kassian  
To: R. Kesler, K. Bieksa  
7:06 PM, Friday, December 13th, 2010  
Guys. What the fuck?  
  
From: R. Kesler  
To: Z. Kassian, K. Bieksa  
7:06 PM, Friday, December 13th, 2010  
it's not what it looks like…?  
   
From: Z. Kassian  
To: R. Kesler, K. Bieksa  
7:07 PM, Friday, December 13th, 2010  
Um.  
  
From: K. Bieksa  
To: Z. Kassian, R. Kesler  
7:07 PM, Friday, December 13th, 2010  
some guy…uh stole our pants.  
  
From: K. Bieksa  
To: R. Kesler  
7:07 PM, Friday, December 13th, 2010  
quick, hide the pants!  
  
From: R. Kesler  
To: K. Bieksa  
7:07 PM, Friday, December 13th, 2010  
:3  
  
From: Z. Kassian  
To: R. Kesler, K. Bieksa  
7:08 PM, Friday, December 13th, 2010  
Kes has them behind his leg. It's pretty obvious.  
  
From: R. Kesler  
To: Z. Kassian, K. Bieksa  
7:08 PM, Friday, December 13th, 2010  
:D  
  
From: Z. Kassian  
To: R. Kesler, K. Bieksa  
7:08 PM, Friday, December 13th, 2010  
… I'm leaving now.  
  
From: Z. Kassian  
To: C. Tanev  
7:09 PM, Friday, December 13th, 2010  
Daniel made me look at Kes and Kev naked! :(  
  
From: C. Tanev  
To: Z. Kassian  
7:09 PM, Friday, December 13th, 2010  
Sounds like a porno XD  
  
From: Z. Kassian  
To: C. Tanev  
7:09 PM, Friday, December 13th, 2010  
It was so hairy! I mean scary… Damn autocorrect  
  
From: C. Tanev  
To: Z. Kassian  
7:10 PM, Friday, December 13th, 2010  
Scary…but also hairy. A porno by Zack Kassian.  
  
From: Z. Kassian  
To: C. Tanev  
7:10 PM, Friday, December 13th, 2010  
Fuck off. I'm not telling you my problems any more! D:  
  
From: C. Tanev  
To: Z. Kassian  
7:10 PM, Friday, December 13th, 2010  
Aw… cum on snookums.  
  
From: Z. Kassian  
To: C. Tanev  
7:10 PM, Friday, December 13th, 2010  
Hahahhaha.  
  
From: C. Tanev  
To: Z. Kassian  
7:10 PM, Friday, December 13th, 2010  
Wha? shit.  
  
From: Z. Kassian  
To: C. Tanev  
7:10 PM, Friday, December 13th, 2010  
Cum on snookums. A porno by Chris Tanev.  
  
From: H. Sedin  
To: C. Tanev, Z. Kassian, K. Bieksa, R. Kesler  
7:11 PM, Friday, December 13th, 2010  
Oh for god's sake, would you all just stop sexting each other?  
  
From: K. Bieksa  
To: C. Tanev, Z. Kassian, R. Kesler, H. Sedin  
7:11 PM, Friday, December 13th, 2010  
o.O  
  
From: R. Kesler  
To: C. Tanev, Z. Kassian, K. Bieksa, H. Sedin  
7:11 PM, Friday, December 13th, 2010  
Is this Luongo?  
  
From: R. Kesler  
To: D. Sedin  
7:11 PM, Friday, December 13th, 2010  
Lu stole ur brother's phone again.  
  
From: D. Sedin  
To: R. Kesler  
7:11 PM, Friday, December 13th, 2010  
Thanks. I'll tell him.  
  
From: D. Sedin  
To: R. Luongo  
7:12 PM, Friday, December 13th, 2010  
Use your own goddamn phone to text your friends, Loseongo!  
  
From: D. Sedin  
To: R. Luongo  
7:13 PM, Friday, December 13th, 2010  
Shit sorry man. Not sure how that got in my autocorrect.  
  
From: R. Luongo  
To: D. Sedin  
7:13 PM, Friday, December 13th, 2010  
I'm running away and joining the leafs! :'(  
  
From: D. Sedin  
To: R. Luongo  
7:13 PM, Friday, December 13th, 2010  
Don't do it! That's worse than the circus!  
  
From: R. Luongo  
To: C. Schneider  
7:14 PM, Friday, December 13th, 2010  
Everyone hates me :(  
  
From: C. Schneider  
To: R. Luongo  
7:14 PM, Friday, December 13th, 2010  
Fuck off. I'm in the middle of something.  
  
From: R. Luongo  
To: C. Schneider  
7:14 PM, Friday, December 13th, 2010  
:(  
  
From: T. Thomas  
To: C. Schneider  
7:14 PM, Friday, December 13th, 2010  
Focus.  
  
From: C. Schneider  
To: T. Thomas  
7:14 PM, Friday, December 13th, 2010  
Harder. :3  
  
From: C. Schneider  
To: R. Luongo  
7:14 PM, Friday, December 13th, 2010  
Cory can't cum to the phone right now.  
  
From: R. Luongo  
To: C. Schneider  
7:15 PM, Friday, December 13th, 2010  
Wha…Oh. Hi Tim.  
  
From: R. Luongo  
To: M. Lapierre  
7:15 PM, Friday, December 13th, 2010  
Bah.  
  
From: M. Lapierre  
To: R. Luongo  
7:15 PM, Friday, December 13th, 2010  
Qu'est que c'est? _(what?)_  
  
From: R. Luongo  
To: M. Lapierre  
7:15 PM, Friday, December 13th, 2010  
Je ne comprend pas. _(I don't understand)_  
  
From: M. Lapierre  
To: R. Luongo  
7:15 PM, Friday, December 13th, 2010  
Tu ne comprend pas…? _(You don't understand…?)_  
  
From: R. Luongo  
To: M. Lapierre  
7:15 PM, Friday, December 13th, 2010  
Le…le baise…les esprits remplis des baises _(The…the fuck…the minds filled with fucking)_  
  
From: M. Lapierre  
To: R. Luongo  
7:16 PM, Friday, December 13th, 2010  
Ah… Je comprend. Tu es fâché? _(Ah…I understand. You're angry?)_  
  
From: R. Luongo  
To: M. Lapierre  
7:17 PM, Friday, December 13th, 2010  
Oui. Je suis fâché. _(Yes. I'm angry)_  
  
From: M. Lapierre  
To: A. Burrows  
7:17 PM, Friday, December 13th, 2010  
Lu est fâché… :P _(Lu is angry...)_  
  
From: A. Burrows  
To: M. Lapierre  
7:17 PM, Friday, December 13th, 2010  
Est-il pourquoi le fâché? _(Why is he angry?)_  
  
From: M. Lapierre  
To: A. Burrows  
7:17 PM, Friday, December 13th, 2010  
Je suppose…parce que…les personnes des quelque sont putain. _(I suppose…because…some of the people are fucking.)_  
  
From: A. Burrows  
To: M. Lapierre  
7:17 PM, Friday, December 13th, 2010  
Oh. ce n'est pas de nouvelles nouvelles. _(Oh. That's not new news)_  
  
From: M. Lapierre  
To: A. Burrows  
7:18 PM, Friday, December 13th, 2010  
Nous avons pour obtenir revenons aux affaires, d'accord? _(We have to get back to business, okay?)_  
  
From: A. Burrows  
To: M. Lapierre  
7:18 PM, Friday, December 13th, 2010  
Oui, oui. Nous continuons baiser. _(Yes, yes. We continue to fuck)_  
  
From: R. Luongo  
To: M. Lapierre  
7:18 PM, Friday, December 13th, 2010  
Salut? Salut? _(Hello? Hello?)_  
  
From: R. Luongo  
To: M. Lapierre  
7:18 PM, Friday, December 13th, 2010  
Vous sont où? _(Where are you?)_  
  
From: R. Luongo  
To: C. Schneider  
7:21 PM, Friday, December 13th, 2010  
J'ai été abandonné. Lapierre est mal. _(I have been abandoned. Lapierre is bad)_  
  
From: C. Schneider  
To: R. Luongo  
7:21 PM, Friday, December 13th, 2010  
Sorry Lu. Je ne comprend pas, je ne cette pas c'est je peux parle français. _(Sorry Lu. I don't understand, I don't that this is I can speak French)_  
  
From: R. Luongo  
To: C. Schneider  
7:21 PM, Friday, December 13th, 2010  
I'm sad. :(  
  
From: C. Schneider  
To: R. Luongo  
7:21 PM, Friday, December 13th, 2010  
Um. ok. so ur txting me?  
  
From: R. Luongo  
To: C. Schneider  
7:21 PM, Friday, December 13th, 2010  
Pretty much, yeah.  
  
From: C. Schneider  
To: R. Luongo  
7:21 PM, Friday, December 13th, 2010  
rn't u at the dinner?  
  
From: R. Luongo  
To: C. Schneider  
7:21 PM, Friday, December 13th, 2010  
Yup.  
  
From: C. Schneider  
To: R. Luongo  
7:22 PM, Friday, December 13th, 2010  
Okkkaay.  
  
From: R. Luongo  
To: C. Schneider  
7:22 PM, Friday, December 13th, 2010  
So…can you think of a good excuse so I can leave?  
  
From: C. Schneider  
To: R. Luongo  
7:22 PM, Friday, December 13th, 2010  
I think that Henrik would know. We all know u better than that.  
  
From: R. Luongo  
To: C. Schneider  
7:22 PM, Friday, December 13th, 2010  
Can you just ask Thomas for a good excuse?  
  
From: C. Schneider  
To: R. Luongo  
7:23 PM, Friday, December 13th, 2010  
Cory says to tell u he is rolling his eyes. Also, tell them u have a stomach ache. Works for me.  
  
From: R. Luongo  
To: C. Schneider  
7:23 PM, Friday, December 13th, 2010  
Thanks.  
  
From: R. Luongo  
To: H. Sedin  
7:23 PM, Friday, December 13th, 2010  
I have a stomach ache. Need to leave.  
  
From: H. Sedin  
To: R. Luongo  
7:23 PM, Friday, December 13th, 2010  
Okay. Go. Just don't leave the next dinner early. :(  
  
From: H. Sedin  
To: D. Sedin  
7:24 PM, Friday, December 13th, 2010  
Why is Lu leaving early?  
  
From: D. Sedin  
To: H. Sedin  
7:24 PM, Friday, December 13th, 2010  
Dunno. Is Torres around? :P  
  
From: H. Sedin  
To: D. Sedin  
7:24 PM, Friday, December 13th, 2010  
Why would that be relevant?  
  
From: D. Sedin  
To: H. Sedin  
7:24 PM, Friday, December 13th, 2010  
Oh never mind.  
  
From: D. Sedin  
To: M. Raymond  
7:25 PM, Friday, December 13th, 2010  
I give up on the whole Canucks organization. I'm gonna go hide in a hole somewhere….maybe Toronto…  
  
From: M. Raymond  
To: D. Sedin  
7:25 PM, Friday, December 13th, 2010  
WTF?  
  
From: D. Sedin  
To: M. Raymond  
7:25 PM, Friday, December 13th, 2010  
So, this is what happened…  
  
…  
  
From: M. Raymond  
To: All Canucks  
7:29 PM, Friday, December 13th, 2010  
Guys. Stop fucking in public places, stay at the team dinner, and don't confuse poor Lu.  
  
From: R. Kesler  
To: M. Raymond, All Canucks  
7:29 PM, Friday, December 13th, 2010  
I don't think ur old enough to know such things MayRay.  
  
From: M. Raymond  
To: R. Kesler, All Canucks  
7:29 PM, Friday, December 13th, 2010  
Fuck you, I'm only a year younger than you, idiot.  
  
From: H. Sedin  
To: M. Raymond, R. Kesler, All Canucks  
7:29 PM, Friday, December 13th, 2010  
EVERYONE STOP TEXTING OR IM CONFISCATING ALL CELLPHONES BEFORE WE HAVE TEAM DINNERS. BEHAVE!  
  
From: R. Kesler  
To: H. Sedin, All Canucks  
7:29 PM, Friday, December 13th, 2010  
D:  



End file.
